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For all that was lost and all that was gained

This year has been the worst year and yet, the strongest year of my life. I walked in to 2021, married and in love with another human being. I am walking out of 2021 divorced and learning to love myself. At the beginning of this year, I lived in fear of being dead at 40 because my body was shutting down on itself and attacking itself, and no medical test results could indicate why. I was on five doses of allergy meds a day just to function and metformin as well, even though I am not diabetic or prediabetic. I was in constant pain and struggled to move every single day. I'm leaving 2021 off of every single medication and down 45 pounds. My body hasn't attacked itself but once since being on my own, rediscovering how to love myself. My word to focus on for the year was experience. Well, my friends, I have experienced many things this year! I have experienced hardships, this is true. I lost my job in the first two weeks of the year because they replaced me while my ...
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A day unlike any other

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We had just finished going out with my little sister and her husband to an indoor rodeo on the last weekend that we had no kids. We had so much fun, just hanging out with one another. I remember looking at my sweetheart and thinking to myself, life could not get any better than this. My life was transitioning in so many ways at that point, and all for the better! I had someone that I wanted to spend every single big moment of my life with. I had kids that were growing up healthy, strong and wise. I had friends and family that loved me and supported me in my new endeavors. I was at a point in my career that was really trying me as an individual, and at times I felt like no matter what I said or did, I couldn't do enough or be enough, but it was minimal stress, so I didn't give it much thought. I loved my students and figured that my professional life would work itself out because I was working hard and I just knew that it would show and my efforts would be rewarded. ...
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Why Can't I Just Enjoy This?

Have you ever had this thought? Why can't I just enjoy this moment right here? Why can't I just allow myself to be enveloped by the feelings, sights, sounds, people, etc. that surround me? Why is it so difficult to just shut out the rest of the world and to just shut my mind off? Why have we become so consumed with keeping our eye elsewhere? Why is it our first thought of what else is going on, what is everyone else doing....etc? I have a theory.....somewhere along the way, we stopped thinking for ourselves as a society. Somehow, we allowed our employers, friends, parents, siblings, neighbors, teachers, co-workers and all of their thoughts and feelings become more important than our own. But, why? And how? When did we become less important than these previously listed? Why is it the last thing that we should is think of ourselves? When I am with my kids, I'm thinking about what I didn't get done at work. When I'm at work, I'm thinking of how my k...
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A Page From The View Of A Teenager

Tonight, I came home and was bogged down with the fact that the kids have pretty much had nothing but meltdowns all day long. My oldest tells me that even though they are putting on brave faces, that everyone misses me. From the dogs, to the kids and even my fiance. I try so hard to get home within a reasonable amount of time, but every day it feels like I fail a little bit more. Last week, I clocked over 47 hours for five days worth of work. Every single day, I keep trying to get off the clock within 8 hours.....but, it doesn't happen. And every time that I clock out beyond that 8 hours, I find another scratch into the wall of how I am failing as a mother and fiance. Every day, I can't help but let my mind run to the Alicia Keys song, "Superwoman" in which the lyrics say, "For all the mothers fighting for better days to come. And all my women, all my women sitting here trying to come home before the sun......I am Superwoman. Yes I am. Even when I'm...
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To The Mom Who Is Glad Summer Is Over

So, here's the thing. I've been giving this a lot of thought and I've spent a lot of time feeling extremely guilty about it all. Then I realized.....it's okay! You see, I have been anxiously awaiting the day that my children are BACK in school because there's just simply too much fighting for my sanity to stay in tact when they are home. Usually, this is the part where someone tells me that they fight because they are bored or something like that. No. No.....you see, my children seem to fight because they find some sort of fun in it. So, I was sitting there, after an eleven hour day at work (and I'm not even employed as something awesome, such as a nurse), just looking at Facebook, trying to wind down for the day. I see all of these great posts from the most amazing women and moms that I know. They highlight how sad they are that their children are no longer home with them, and that the school year has begun. They have their stinking cute little ...
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